Anniversary

29 December 2017

On this day 12 months ago, I was interviewed by BBC Hereford and Worcester for a 2016 round up about the Breast Unit and it finally opening its doors to patients.

On this day 12 months ago, Scarlett, my beautiful niece, turned 10.

On this day 12 months ago, I received a phone call just after 6pm from my consultant telling me my cancer had returned.

Today, I am travelling with the love of my life on a trip I've always wanted to take to Cambodia and Thailand.

Champagne in the Etihad business class lounge (yep, that's right,  we're flying business class courtesy of June Wilcox (love you mum)). xx

What a difference 12 months' makes!!


The latter part of this year has been quite difficult emotionally as I've gone through all the 'one year anniversary' stages and they've reminded me of 'back then' when I was in ignorant bliss of my current situation... When the pain started; when I told my consultant about it at the SnowBall; when I went for scans; the choir social that I couldn't join in because of the pain; singouts that I couldn't join in because of the pain; work Christmas party that I couldn't fully enjoy as I'd been put on anti-depressants as the hospital thought the pain was stress related....some of these may sound quite trivial, but these last three months I've been thinking about this a lot.  So today marks the last day of that anniversary.  The day of diagnosis.

Taking stock

So I'm taking stock of everything that I've done over the last 12 months - which has been extraordinary for so many reasons.

More charity fundraising for the Worcestershire Breast Unit Haven; more holidays; getting our lovely dog Rocco who has been so therapeutic in more ways than one; more enduring hospital appointments/scans/injections/blood tests/tablets/anxiety; more difficulty at seeing those who have had another year clear of cancer as I will never be able to have that again; more fatigue; more pain in my joints; the official opening of the Breast Unit and meeting the Countess of Wessex; singing in front of over 2000 people at the Symphony Hall; helping to raise over £350,000 as part of Breast Cancer Care's flagship Show event; putting on a stone in weight (sigh); meeting one of my idols, the beautiful Lisa Eldridge (and her fab assistant Jessie)......

As you can tell, it's been awesome and very hard at the same time, but I'm so glad I've had another year of life granted to me... Although there is part of me that thinks, 'crikey, that year has gone so quickly and I know I won't be granted loads more so that's one year out of my remaining entitlement that's flown by'.... but I can't dwell on thoughts like that and just look at the present, how I'm feeling now and also the fun things I've already got planned for 2018.... Two weddings, a trip to the States, the Snow Ball 3.....

So here's to you all as we close out 2017.  I'll be in Thailand on New Year's Eve so hope you have a good one.

Be thankful for all that you have. If you're unhappy with an aspect of your life, then change it....

Thank you for following me this year....long may it continue.

Health and happiness.  Much love, Kate. xx

Merry Christmas everyone

Health and happiness to everyone.....

Just wanting to wish you all a wonderful Christmas and to say thank you for following me this year.

Quick round up

...of the last few weeks.

We took Rocco on his first holiday - we went to Brixham at the beginning of December.  It was wonderful.  We spent time with our friends Simon and Claire who loved Rocco too. We stayed in the most amazing property right on the harbour with gorgeous views and a huge bath tub!!

Rocco loved it - his first experience of a town, the sea, a beach, a cafe, a restaurant.  He did get covered by a wave though and didn't like that much (we, on the other hand, thought it was hilarious!!).

Rocco also experienced his first snow with us and LOVED it, and for the first time in ages, his paws were all pink and clean.  It was lovely to see him leaping about and catching snowballs.

He also had his first trip to the dog groomers (my friend Michelle has her own parlour) and he was really good - I was so chuffed.

Scarlett and my brother came down to visit last weekend and we went on our annual ice skate, which was lots of fun, then dad, Scarlett and I played lots of black jack in the evening

And Susie and I hosted our second band night on Fri 22 Dec and raised just over £3000 for the Worcestershire Breast Unit Haven.  What a way to end our fundraising for the year.  We were so chuffed.

Health

Well, mine has (touch wood) been OK - still going for the monthly jabs (although my denosomab is now going down to once every two months.

However, people around me haven't been having so much luck.

Tim has had an horrendous stomach bug leaving him off work for over a week and half.  In context, Tim has very good health, so I go to pot a bit when he isn't well as I am the 'ill' one.  He had to miss his work's Christmas party, seeing Star Wars with the boys and his annual ice skate and karaoke session with Scarlett. It's been pants (literally).

Sadly my mum (just this morning) has been diagnosed with mild pneumonia and has been incredibly poorly for nearly two weeks, so Christmas won't be the same without her this year (Tim and I will be taking round a Christmas dinner for her).

And my wonderful friend Helen is currently in hospital having been diagnosed with cancer on her brain and in her spine (like me) and suffering from the side effects of steroids and radiotherapy.  I mean - what a total pile of arse!!

The last couple of weeks have been difficult from that point of view, but friends and family are rallying around as usual being awesome.

So, as I write this on Christmas eve, be thankful for your health, family and friends.

Lots of love to you all.

Thank you again for your support.

Kate. xxx

The leper

WARNING - primary breast cancer patients may not want to read this, and if you do, don't say I didn't warn you!!

Benefits

I'll begin with this one.... So yes, I certainly get a fair share of the NHS budget spent on me, and so it should be, but one thing I don't benefit from, is benefits.

I don't get child allowance (or whatever it's called now) for obvious reasons, I don't use the school system, I don't claim tax credits (as, again, without kids you're not entitled to anything), I don't claim unemployment benefit, I don't claim benefits full stop.

But I thought this should change. I have therefore commenced an application for personal independence allowance (or PIP), which used to be the disability living allowance, because I am now classified as disabled.

I filled in a huge form which asked me about how I'm impacted on a day to day basis with my condition e.g. can I cook for myself (well no, cos I'm crap at it!!), can I dress myself, can I get from A to B cognitively etc etc.  It took ages and it made me realise when I was completing it, that things are different for me now and I do struggle with certain things more than I did before.

Then, this week, I had to have a face to face assessment where someone working on behalf of the Department for Work and Pensions visits your house to basically go through pretty much the same questions.  She was with me for an hour and half, she was really nice, but did the classic - 'oh, my Uncle X had advanced lung cancer and he lived for years' - like  you can really compare me to that situation?!  Anyway, we carried on talking and when she asked me how Tim was coping, I broke down in tears.

Tim continues to be totally amazing, but can you even begin to imagine what he must be going through as the husband of someone who has an incurable, life limiting illness???  It must be soooo unbelievably difficult. 

He is, in fact, seeing a counsellor for this very reason at St Richard's Hospice which he is finding really helpful.  It is an exhausting and draining process as anyone who has ever had any sort of counselling will know.  He goes into work then goes to see her on Tuesdays at 10am, and then back to work afterwards.  I can't tell you how guilty that I feel that he is having to do that, it's because of me, and I sometimes struggle with that if I'm honest, but I'm so glad he's getting an opportunity to discuss this with someone completely objectively.  Also, big up to St Richard's Hospice who provide the counselling free of charge. They are amazing.

Anyway, we then carried on with the assessment and she told me at the end I'm very unlikely to get the benefit as I'm too well and not immobile.  I mean, I know I'm not immobile, but surely there must be something that I'm entitled to with my condition, so I've been in touch with Macmillan as they have their own reps in the Citizens Advice Bureau and they are calling me on Tuesday to discuss things.  Particularly, I want to get some advice about my pension, as I know I've mentioned before, I think it's terrible that I can't access that now, as I'm unlikely to reach retirement age.  I'll keep you posted....

The colony

But back to the main subject of today's blog, and it's a difficult one, but I did say this would much be a warts and all account of how I'm feeling and what I'm experiencing.

It goes something like this....Sometimes as a secondary breast cancer patient, I feel like a leper. 

Let me explain....

When you have primary breast cancer, the last thing you want to hear about/consider/believe is secondary breast cancer, for very obvious reasons. And I was one of those people...I just wanted to shut myself off from listening to stories of people (sometimes even of those that I knew) who had developed secondary breast cancer because of the gravity of what it means.

You've already faced 'death' in the face once and you just want to look forward after your treatment and start building a life again, and slowly you do.

After eight years, I had done just that and had honestly started to believe that it would be possible for me to live to an old age.  Suze and I often talked about growing old together and still going out for prosecco when we were old and wrinkly.

Also, as Susie often says herself, in terms of the 'odds', because my cancer was caught early and I had no lymph node involvement at all, that 'on paper' it would have been more likely for Susie to get a recurrence (as she did have lymph node involvement in her diagnosis), but THANK GOD, that is NOT the case and literally TODAY (10 Dec) she has celebrated 13 years cancer free which is THE BEST NEWS.....WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

But anyway, I am now a member of an online secondary breast cancer patient sub-group of the Younger Women's Breast Cancer Network on Facebook.  At first, I didn't like to look at it too much as I was still coming to terms with my diagnosis, but now I dip in and out of it and it's good to 'chat' or read info about people going through the same treatments as me etc.

However, as I am also a member of the YBCN main page, there is obviously a lot of chat on there about women 'kicking cancer's ass' and 'I'm gonna get through this' and 'another year clear' etc etc... and I used to be EXACTLY the same, it's called HOPE, and it's a wonderful thing, but sometimes there is part of me that wants to warn people, 'you never know what's around the corner, look what happened to me'.  What a total bitch that makes me sound!!!  And I know there is unlikely to ever be anyone whose had primary who doesn't worry about such things, but thankfully as the years goes by, this feeling gets less and less, and long may it continue for all out there.

But I am the leper, I am the person whose condition many primary cancer patients don't really want to know about or acknowledge or pay attention to, and I TOTALLY get that because constantly worrying about recurrence can send you down a very deep rabbit hole.  And all of them will naturally, always worry about recurrence....I mean as soon as you have a pain in your big toe you think it's come back. Jeez... There is a lot of love and support on the forums for primary sufferers who may be going to see their consultants for check ups, or dealing with scanxiety and a lot of 'we've got your back', which is awesome, and I used to feel that same love, but the leper in me may not always be welcome in that group anymore.

And I really, really, really hope that it doesn't come back/morph into secondary, but statistically (and I don't know what those statistics are as I never wanted, and still don't want, to know what they are), some young women will fall into my leper sub-group and that fucking sucks.  I really wish it was the end of it and that anyone facing primary breast cancer would never have to worry about it, but sadly, this is unlikely to ever be the case.

So I will carry on as best I can and people can choose to read this or treat me as the leper that I have become and ignore it entirely, and I wouldn't blame them, but I feel forever grateful and thankful that my amazing friends and family who have stood by me (some who have also suffered from primary breast cancer) don't treat me like a leper and will let me talk about things as much or as little as I like.

I love you all. xx

The Opening

Thursday 9 November

My phone call to Coventry hospital goes something like this.... 'I know this is going to sound like the 'dog at my homework' excuse, but this really is true, I need to change my back procedure appointment as I've found out that I've been invited to meet Royalty'.

Well I never thought I'd be saying that, but Susie and I had an email a few weeks back confirming that we would indeed meet a member of the Royal family at the official opening of the Worcestershire Breast Unit Haven.

Although the Breast Unit, for which we have helped raise over £100,000, opened its doors to patients (including us) in March 2016, this would be the 'official opening' to which key fundraisers and campaigners had been invited.

What to wear....

So Susie had bought a lovely new dress, but I couldn't really afford to buy anything new so the old faithful blue dress came out again, but, to be fair, I do totally love it, and blue for Royalty seemed like a good idea!!

The day arrived and we were super excited.  We knew we were going to be meeting up with a lot of people who helped the Campaign on its journey for the Breast Unit to become a reality, a lot of people who we've worked with since 2009 and become really good friends.  We were looking forward to catching up with everyone again.

However, there were two things we didn't know....but more on that in a minute.

We had to be there for 11.15am, so Susie and I had done our hair and make up and got ourselves ready and got a lift from my parents down to the Unit.

We arrived and there were approximately 70 of us on site. We all had to wear a name badge sticker so people knew were were 'officially' meant to be there.

We were introduced to Pam Healy who is the CEO of the Breast Cancer Haven (who offer their services through the Worcester Breast Unit and, for which, we held to raise funds) and she gave us both a huge hug when she realised who we were. 'So you're Kate and Susie'.... Yep, that's us.  She'd heard about everything we do to fundraise.  She was lovely.

So, those two things.  Well, the first was that Susie and I were second in line to meet the Countess (after Steven, our consultant, and Fiona the charity Chair were introduced to her).  We could not believe it.  We were so honoured.

As the time approached I started to feel really nervous.  We were told that we would hear the helicoptor and from then she would be approx 10 mins away.  We'd spoken to Fiona about the 'protocol' - do we curtsy? how do we address her?  Crikey...

Our room

The second thing was that Susie and I have had a room named after us at the Unit.  What? Really? Yes, really....when we both found out about it, we were in floods of tears, and, as my mum said to me, 'Kate you'll be there forever' and that really struck me, even after I've gone, my name will be there, alongside my partner in crime to represent the positive mark that I have left on the World, and to say I'm honoured is an understatement.  How truly, truly wonderful.  It was a complete shock and surprise.

With Steven outside 'our' room

Yay

So honoured

All the artwork was painted by Steven's brother, Luke Thrush, who's an artist

The room is actually known as 'The Hub' where the breast care nurses gather.  How wonderful.

Press

Earlier that day, Susie and I had both been on local radio talking about the opening and what it meant to us, which was fab, then Caroline, who helps with the charity PR, asked Susie and I if we minded speaking to the Worcester News in advance of the Countess arriving. 'Of course not', we said.

Lots of press were there.....

We were asked about our fundraising and, again, what it meant to us to be there.  We get such a buzz talking about the Charity and what we do and I think our positivity and enthusiasm hopefully helps the cause.

The arrival

Just before the Countess arrived, we were all told where to stand, and so Susie and I made our way to the entrance, near to Steven and Fiona. I think many of the other dignatries were wondering who these two women were as Susie and I are not in the 'business/posh-types circle'.

We had heard the helicopter and so knew she wasn't far away.  I was getting more and more nervous....

Then all of a sudden two huge black Range Rovers pulled up and a load of security personnel got out...and there she was.  She is really beautiful, very natural.

She spoke to Steven and Fiona and they were laughing and joking about something, and then she came over and Steven introduced us.  Susie and I gave a little 'bob' (not a curtsy as such... I had practiced it as I didn't want to look like a knob and fall over!!!).

Meeting Steven

She spoke to us for quite a long time and asked us about what we'd done for the Unit and how we'd been involved in the process of it coming alive.  We told her about the focus groups that we attended back in 2009/2010 where, as patients, we gave our views on what we wanted to see in the new Unit. 

One of the things we told her about is that when you're diagnosed with cancer, you used to have to walk back through the same waiting room in floods of tears, which is just horrendous, for you, and also the other patients waiting to go through the doors to be given news.  Therefore the new Unit has a separate 'reflection room' where you can gather your thoughts/cry/swear etc etc, and a separate exit back to the car park, so you don't have that scenario.  Actually, if you've read my previous blogs, you may remember that I refused to use that room and go through that exit when I had my secondary diagnosis, as I'd thought 'fuck that', I'm just gonna head back through the main waiting room as if nothing has happened.  Call it denial, call it ballsy...I'm not sure what it was, but I didn't want to 'give into it' - that's how I felt at the time.

The reflection room, named after Jacqui Heal, a breast cancer nurse, who sadly died from breast cancer herself

Anyway, she also said that we must now see the difference that it makes as we've been through the 'old system' in the main hospital, compared to how things are in the Unit, which showed us that she'd truly been listening to what we'd been talking about and was really informed.

She was just so nice. And then it was time for her to move on and meet others.... Susie and I just beamed at each other.

Meeting our wonderful friend Carole Crowe, the first charity administrator

Meeting some of the nursing team

In the prosthesis fitting room with my lovely primary breast cancer nurse, Tracy.

The next thing we know, about three people came up to us asking what she'd said to us, and we told them, and then we were interviewed by the Worcester News again (read the article and see us on video (briefly) here).

We stood chatting to a number of our friends while the Countess did the rounds through the whole of the Unit, and some drinks and nibbles were served.

With Phil, Anja and Kathy

With Jess, Steven's wife, and their daughter Genevieve

She then came back into the main reception area where she gave a speech and personally referenced Susie and I, which was really lovely, and it was officially declared 'open'. 

Pam, Fiona, Steven and the Countess

The amazing charity team, Jacquie and Lexi

What a wonderful, wonderful day.  One, at times, we never thought we'd see, but to be part of it and to be there, was truly magical.  We remembered our wonderful friend, and fellow calendar girl, Cherry, who sadly passed away two years ago, who never got to see the Unit open, but was an avid campaigner and fundraiser, and we know she would have been so proud.

It was then time for the Countess to leave.  She was presented with a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Steven Thrush's daughter and got back in the Range Rover and sped off to her next engagement at Worcester's homeless hostel, St Paul's.

Beautiful

The Thrushes and the Countess

I had been in heels all morning, and as my joints hurt quite a lot on the Letrozole tablets, I was really glad of a sit down while we hatched our afternoon plan.

Drinkies?

So Susie and I had already been planning to go into town afterwards for lunch and a few drinks to celebrate the Opening and we talked our friend Carole, and Lexi, the charity fundraising manager, into join us.... (Actually a big shout out goes to Lexi and Jacquie (the sole two charity staff) who organised the event, which  was brilliant and really seamless.  Whoop.)

Carole drove us into town and we cracked open the prosecco and had some lunch and as the afternoon wore on we moved onto the cocktails.

What a day.  One to remember and put into the #makingmemories bank.

Hospital news

In other news, I was meant to be having my back procedure on 15 November.  The plan was to go into hospital the night before. This is so they can guarantee a bed for the day and night of the procedure...I mean, what a total waste of resources...jeez. 

So I was asked to call them on the Tuesday to find out what time to go into hospital.  I'd built myself up to it mentally and then, 'oh sorry, we haven't got any beds available'. FFS!!  So the procedure hasn't gone ahead. 

The ward hadn't told the appointments team however, so when I called them to find out if I would get another appointment through she said 'oh, well it would have been good of them to tell me that your procedure was cancelled' Oh dear.  Anyway, I was offered two appointments (middle and end December), but I've now decided to wait until we get back from holiday in January.  I just don't want to build up to it again and for it to be cancelled, especially so near to Christmas, sigh!!

I also went for an MRI this week.  I've had a couple before and while not a bed of roses, haven't been too bad.  This one was different.  I had to have a contrast injected into my veins (very similar to the CT scan) so they can see the liver more clearly (this scan is to determine if I'm eligible for the radio frequency ablation procedure).  Now they managed to get the cannula in pretty easily (thank god), but then I was in the scanner for about 45/50 mins and I was starting to panic and was bloody hating it.  I also went in feet first this time and it made different noises to normal, which were so strong that it shook my body.  I could not wait to get out of there.  I felt absolutely drained and really tearful when I got out.  Thankfully I didn't ball, but was so glad to see mum back in the waiting room and couldn't wait to get home for Timmy and Rocco cuddles.  In fact, we watched Gremlins and had a bottle of red wine. Boom.

What was funny though, was my biker boot (which I had on in the MRI room) which flew into the scanner because of the magnetic field, so it shows how strong it is....yikes.

So, I'll sign off for now.

Until next time. xxx


In memory of Cherry Robinson. xxxx

Back of the net....

CT results

So the results are in, and all is good..... WAHOO!!  My liver metastases (ie. tumours) have shrunk slightly and my bone cancer is inactive.  I'm so pleased.

Dr P did say that from new year I would have my bone strengthening jab every two months instead of every month. This is because I will have been on it for a year and it can cause femur fractures and also a nasty sounding issue with my jaw bone. It means the bone dies and I would be in pain and also get jaw infections and basically the dentist wouldn't be able to do anything on my teeth etc!!

And, I am being sent for an MRI on the liver which will sent up to the B'ham QE hospital to see if I'm eligible for radiofrequency ablation where they blast your tumours by heating them to very high temperatures which destroys them. Take that tumours, you little fuckers!  Let's hope I'm eligible!!

Anyway, I'm off to drink lots of prosecco.  Feeling very happy. xx

The Speech

What a week!

Get ready, this is a mammoth blog....

So you may have seen from the flurry of social media activity that Susie and I were lucky enough to take part in Breast Cancer Care's flagship event 'The Show' which raised over £370,000 for the national charity!! WAHOO.

Oh yes, let's do this....Strutting our stuff on the catwalk

Susie and I applied to take part earlier this year and were chosen out of 250 entrants as two of the group of 31 women and men who've all had breast cancer to be 'models' for the day!!

What a totally AMAZING experience and time we had.  It truly surpassed all our expectations.

The build up....

It started the week before The Show with the fitting day.  Susie and I went down to London on the Wednesday to see what clothing delights awaited us, styled by Hilary Alexander OBE. We were excited to see the other models too especially as Susie had had to miss the information day back in April because of work and hadn't had the opportunity to meet any of them.

We got to Euston and then jumped on the tube down to Vauxhall - I remembered the way to the Breast Cancer Care offices thankfully, and who should we see as soon as we get there sitting outside with a coffee, but the beautiful Laura.  Laura is also a Worcestershire woman and fellow model.  She was just 24 when she was diagnosed three years ago.  We said hi and then headed inside to 'sign in'.  At this point the fittings were already running nearly an hour late.  Our slot (with Laura too) was 1pm - 2pm, and our train back was a 4.30pm so we were conscious of things running too far behind.

Eeek, anyway, we had a good old chinwag with Annika, Carol and Hedwig (who was a model last year and our model 'buddy' for this year...she was an absolute legend and sooo helpful) while we were waiting.  Then at 1.45pm we were called upstairs.  What awaited us??  Well, actually, it wasn't too bad at all....I mean, not necessarily things that I would choose to buy, but, on the whole not looking too shabby.

Susie and I were in the swimwear, pinstripe, special occasions and Finale sections. There were rails and rails of clothes, accessories, shoes, hats and jewelry.  I'm not massively into fashion so it was probably all a bit lost on me, but as they were behind we had to quickly get ourselves changed.  Suze and I don't mind stripping off (we're so used to it) so we didn't have to go and hide behind anything which probably helped speed up the process.

The bikini that Susie was wearing was hilarious, it was literally a triangle over her nipples, we were laughing our heads off.  Thankfully she had a cover up over it.  I had a gorgeous cover up (and no bikini, phew) which was really lovely to wear and long too. We were then both in stripy trousers (mine from M&S) and a white shirt (mine from Topshop) and a hat, red boots and handbag.  Then it was 'occasion' and I was in an off the shoulder number and these awful shoes...I was struggling with shoes cos of my high instep and wide foot, so I was put in a pair of size 7s (I'm a 5), but I could just about walk in them.  I had a fascinator and a little handbag with pom poms.  Now as I love my shoulders and back (two of the only bits of me I really like) I was more than happy wearing these - although did note I would need my own set of spanx!!! Yowzers.

Then the finale featured a gorgeous strapless gown from Goddiva, and Suze had a stunning lace one (she looked beautiful in it).  The finale dresses were all blue, as that was the 2017 theme - Suze's was a royal blue and mine was more of a purple blue - I absolutely loved it - in fact, I got a bit teary.  I did, however, have to wear silver boots with it as I couldn't get any of the shoes on - not quite the look I was going for, but it was floor length so you couldn't really see them.

All in all, we were pretty chuffed that we didn't look too idiotic in any of the clothes.  Then the beautiful Deborah, who was our choreographer, took us through our paces. Work it girlfriend. No swingy arms, hips out, chin up slightly. Eek.

We were only in there for 30 mins and we'd heard that some of the other models were in for a long time, so were pleased that we could help them get back on schedule, but it did mean a long day travelling for a short amount of time.

We had a couple of hours to kill so we decided to hit Oxford St as I wanted to go to Selfridges to buy some make up. We said bye to our fellow models and the BCC team and headed for the tube.  What a knob.  I totally took us the wrong way so we ended up spending 15 mins on the tube longer than we should have....clearly I'm out of practice since I moved from London nine years ago.  Anyway, we got to Oxford Street and had a mooch in H&M and Suze bought a top and then up to Selfridges - you forget how long it takes to walk up there, and when we got there, I completely hadn't realised that they don't stock Hourglass cosmetics...knob x 2.  Jeez.

So we headed back to Euston and bought two bottles of wine (it was cheaper that way!!), a samosa, some hummus and carrot sticks for the journey back (Timmy had made us both a packed lunch on the way, bless him).  It was a really lovely, but tiring day, especially as we'd both lugged three pairs of shoes with us as we were told we might need them, but then didn't.

Show week

We were both so excited about the prospect of the show.  We already had a Facebook group with the other models and Hedwig (our 'buddy') so we'd all been asking questions and chatting on that.  I finished work on Monday and then on Tuesday I was running around getting things finalised.

First off, the dress. I had been hoping to wear my beautiful black and silver SnowBall gown (as Suze was wearing her blue one), which I feel fabulous in.  However, secondary breast cancer treatment bollocks has meant I've put on nearly a stone since the beginning of the year and now the dress doesn't bloody fit.  Grrrr.  A few weeks before I'd taken it to our amazing seamstress Lesley, but because there wasn't enough fabric in the sides of the dress, it couldn't be altered. Shit.  So I'd decided to wear an 'old' faithful black one-shoulder fishtail gown.  I've had it for years, but do really like it. However, I thought, this is a special one off occasion so actually I fancy something new.  As I'd liked my Goddiva dress so much for the Show, I had a look on their website, and found the most beautiful burgundy coloured, sequined gown.  I took a punt and ordered it.  It arrived on Monday at 5.30pm.  I needed to take it to London on Weds morning - did it fit???  Er, well I could have got away with it, but I knew it would look a lot better pulled in at the waist, so, I turned to Lesley.

I spoke to her that evening and, thankfully, she said she'd see me Tuesday morning to see if she could do anything.  So, I headed over there at 9.30am. She said she could - WHAT AN ABSOLUTE LEGEND. Wahoo, and that it should be ready that evening (she basically prioritised it for me over her other work - sweetheart).

Then I left Lesley's and went to the hospital to pick up the stuff we needed for the band night we were hosting for the Breast Unit on Saturday. Then I went into the hospital to have my monthly blodd tests, little did I know that I would wait an hour to have them done, so was running behind schedule. I then headed home to check on the dog before going for a lash lift, eyebrow wax, gel nails and toes painted with my ace friend Kelly.  I went 'rouge noir' on the hands and silver on the feet. Whoop. That was lovely.

Then I was running around dropping the keys off at the dog walker (as mum and dad and Tim were coming to the show so there was no-one to look after RMG otherwise, bless him). Then I had a call from Lesley to say the dress was done.  I went over there, tried it on and gave her the biggest hug - it looked awesome (even if I do say so myself). Then I had to pack.  Crikey, that was a mission, but at 9.30pm I'd finished (after numerous calls to Susie to agree what we were taking - she was making the packed lunch this time!!! 😆😆)

First Class

Wednesday morning arrived, I walked the dog with Timmy and then got myself ready.  Said bye to Tim as he headed off for work and mum came over just after 9 to get me.  We then went to pick up Susie, excited, going through our checklist of what we had with us, and both thinking we'd forgotten something.

Our train from Droitwich to B'ham wasn't too busy and we both got a seat, which was lucky with all our stuff.  On the way, Suze said 'shall we see if we can blag an upgrade to first class on the way to London?'. Boom, why not...it hadn't even occurred to me.

We get to B'ham and then seek out our Virgin train. A lady who worked for New Street was walking down the platform and we explained where we were headed and who best to speak to, she said it was Craig, the train manager.  She was so lovely and explained someone she knew was going through breast cancer treatment so was already on our side.  Then we saw Craig.  Suze wanted me to do it initially, but I have to be in the 'cheeky mood' to do that sort of thing, so she ploughed straight in.  What a legend. He totally agreed. It was awesome - we even took a cheeky selfie with him on the train and tweeted it to Virgin.

And they're off....

Craig....what a legend

We had a free brekkie and tea, coffee, juice, water (no booze as it was too early....boo), but Susie had brought the rest of the bottle of wine we hadn't finished the week before so we demolished that.  It wasn't even 12pm.

On the train, I had something to tell Susie, something that I had only told Tim about.  About a month ago I had been asked by Breast Cancer Care if I would like to do the 'speech' at the Show. They wanted me to base it on my friendship with Susie as it's such a novel breast cancer story and one that I don't think they've had before.  I'd only told Tim because I was spending so much time upstairs on my computer he hardly saw me! hehehe.

It was weird - when I started writing it, it all came so naturally and it didn't take THAT long.  It was to be five minutes long.  I think because I totally believed in the content and it was 'our story' that is was pretty easy.

It went through a couple of minor edits with Sarah at the charity and then it was ready.  I hadn't told Susie but I suddenly thought I couldn't land it on her on the day of the show as it was all going to be a bit emotionally charged as we were again #makingmemories. So I explained while we were on the train that I'd been asked to do it and whether she wanted to read it.  She did.  I took myself off for a wee while she did. When I came back she was in absolute floods of tears and we had a huge hug. I'm so glad I hadn't waited until show day as it wouldn't have been fair.

Facial

When we got to London we decided to treat ourselves to a cab to the hotel.  As we hadn't had to pay for our travel or accommodation, we decided to splash out. We were staying at the Mondrian on the South Bank.  We checked in, dumped our stuff in the room and found the other models on the outside terrace where we all had some wine.

Cheers

What a totally awesome group.

We were all being treated to facials/massages in the hotel spa and Susie and I had ours booked at 5pm along with Jo and Colette.  We chilled out for a bit after the wine then headed down to the spa.

I'd asked fabulous Sue (my bc nurse) if she would write me an email to say I was able to have a facial as a lot of spas are really funny about treating cancer patients as they aren't insured for it (another great thing about having cancer...NOT!!!). I was ready with my email if needed.  However, I didn't need it and the facial was just wonderful. It's been well over 12 months since I've had one and it was so good that I fell asleep three times! Chillllled out.  We didn't have long in the relaxation room after as we were all going to dinner at 7.15pm (which was also donated by a restaurant in the City).

Annnnnd relax...post facial

Suze and I headed upstairs, washed and dried our hair, got our make up on and headed down.  Most of the other ladies had already gone (as they'd had their treatments earlier) so a few of us got a cab. Some of the ladies had gone in a limo which Mandy had arranged which looked loads of fun.

Girls on tour

Cheers

Fun times

At the table I sat next to Sharron, Suzie and Marie, and opposite Kreena, Michelle and Annika. We had a riot.  Michelle is a fellow secondary breast cancer patient like me, as well as Sam and Mark, a couple of the other models, so it was nice not to 'feel alone' in that respect.  The wine was flowing, and so was the conversation, anything from dry vaginas to diagnosis!! Blimey.

We headed back to the hotel at about 10pm and some of the models went to the bar, but Suze and I headed up to our room at 10.30 as we had to head off at 7.30 the next morning so didn't want to get to bed too late (or shitfaced!!).

Show Time

The day had finally arrived.  We were so excited.  We got our dresses, deodorant, toothburhes, granny pants, strapless bras and other stuff together to take over to the Show venue (Park Plaza, Westminster).

I 'thought' I knew where it was and because it was a nice sunny morning we decided to walk as we knew we were going to be indoors all day otherwise.  Er, knob x 3. I got us lost...poor Suze was doing her nut and, to be fair, had she done that to me while carrying all our stuff, I would have been too, so instead of arriving fresh and relaxed, we were 20 mins late and sweating.  Not a great start to the day. However, there were pastries and a brew waiting, so we were pleased about that.

Then the Sassoon stylists came in and said they were going to do longer hair first while shorter hair went into make up (by Estee Lauder).  As I'm totally obsessed with make up I was hoping that would be a priority for me, but I was called into hair with Suze.  I was sat with Khegan from the Covent Garden salon. He was so, so lovely and from Dublin - he had such a calming voice. The head Sassoon guy said he wanted my hair straight with a small wave on one side at the front.  That sounded OK to me as I love it straight, so Khegan started wetting it down and putting some product through it and blow drying it, when all of a sudden, the power went EVERYWHERE. Ooops.

Hair with Khegan

We were waiting around for a while and chatting between ourselves, when the stylists eventually started to take matters into their own hands as the issue wasn't being resolved and we were on a tight schedule, so after about 30 mins, we all went out into a large reception room and sat alongside the wall where all the plug sockets were.

The next thing I know Suze is coming over to me looking like she's got a birds nest on her head...I said 'oh, are you finished?', honestly thinking that she was mid-way through her hair, and she said, 'oh no, I'm done', but she hadn't seen it yet (as there were no mirrors). Oh. She then looked into her phone and couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it either. She spoke to my hairdresser and he said that Susie should go and tell the person who'd done it as they need to learn from feedback good or bad. Hmmm, understandably Suze didn't feel too comfortable doing that, so in the end, Khegan agreed to do her hair too (and it was LOADS better). Phew.

Halfway through straightening my hair Komal from Breast Cancer Care said I was needed for rehearsal (they had warned us we could be halfway through stuff when we were required elsewhere), so I followed her down to the main room where the show was taking place and I was the only model there.  I then realised that I had been called there to practice my speech.  I hadn't been thinking too much about it, as I didn't want the nerves to get the better of me.

I spoke to Claire (who's the head of events at BCC and lovely to boot) and she said I could use the auto cue or the paper copy.  I decided to try the auto cue - it was quite weird, but also a lot better than trying to find where I was on paper. It was odd rehearsing it in a room where they were still building the stage, setting tables and people were setting up cameras and lots of other stuff, but I just carried on.  I actually quite enjoyed it until I got to a certain bit and couldn't catch my breath because I had started to cry.  I took some time and a lot of deep breaths, and then managed to carry on.  Claire was really lovely, she said she would be next to me at the bottom of the stairs from the stage if I needed her at any point during the shows.  She said, if I did get upset during the speech to just take as much time as I needed, to recentre, and get my breath. How was I going to get through it??!!

The next thing I know all the other models are down in the dressing area and we're ready to do a proper stage rehearsal - which was interesting as they were still putting the finishing touches to the stage and there was lots of sticky tape everywhere.

Talk about pigs ear...It was a right shambles the first time through.  We hadn't realised quite how quickly we needed to walk down the catwalk, and also get changed!! We had dressers to assist us but it was still a tight turnaround.  It's also the first time we had the opportunity to see what the other models were wearing.

That seemed to go really quickly and I was still not sure exactly what we needed to be doing, when we had to head back upstairs to finish hair and make up.

Love this one of the rehearsal

When we got up there, instead of going straight back to hair, I went to make up as I didn't want to feel rushed as I was so looking forward to it.  I sat in the chair and Chloe was my artist.  She said the look they were going for a was a smoky eye with a nudish lip...I said 'go for it, I totally love a smoky eye' and she did. I absolutely loved it.  I had so much make up on, but really liked it, and the biggest pair of falsies (lashes not breasts) I've ever worn!!  In the meantime, some sarnies were doing the rounds and fellow model Sharon grabbed me one as they were running out. Yowzers.

Me, Suze, Collette and Jo

With Kreena

I then went to get my hair finished and we had some time to chill out before the final hair finishing and getting ready for the Show itself.

I'd been Wattsapping mum and dad as they were on the train with Suze's folks to come and see the lunchtime show.  I couldn't wait to strut my stuff in front of them. Then, before we knew it, it was show time.... We got into our first outfits and headed back stage.

Getting ready to go backstage....

First outfit ready

Boom, the music came on and the models started walking. HOW MUCH FUN?? Absolutely loads...I loved it. Surprisingly I wasn't really nervous - Suze and I were just dancing down the catwalk to the music and I could see our parents waving, whooping and hollering.  700 people. 700 people, the atmosphere was electric. Between each scene we ran backstage to change into our next set of clothes and when we waited our turn in the wings again we were being 'touched up' (er, for hair and make up!!!) - I have NEVER had so much hairspray shoved on my barnet...I probably looked like lego woman for a while!!  But it was all part of the amazing experience.

Size 7 shoes?!

Thanks to Annika's husband for this ace photo

 Suze and I felt honoured to be walking in the pinstripe section with our fellow model, and breast cancer patient, Andy - such a totally great guy.

With awesome Andy

For the finale section all the ladies had a 'professional' male model to walk with them down the catwalk. Ding dong. They all looked so young, but my goodness, they were mighty fine! Check out my reaction in the picture below!!!  And just like that, it was over, all the build up, trying on, info exchanges, it was done. But we were so glad we had another show to the do in the evening.

Phew....

The full monty

All the fabulous models

(Listen to Juney on this video...what a star).... Here's the link to it on YouTube if this video doesn't play on your phone.

I was kept at the side of the stage as I was then introduced back on to do my speech.  Goodness knows what my parents faces looked like at that stage as they had no idea I was doing it.  Also, I couldn't see it, but photos of me, Susie, Scarlett and Tim were flashing behind me on the screen as I was talking.  Susie had also asked if she could stand next to Claire at the side of the stage stairs so that she was there for me.  I'm so glad she was as I could feel her presence.

And so I began, the room was silent, I tried to make sure I didn't talk too fast.  I stumbled over a couple of words because the auto cue was on a bit of a wonk (as the position had moved since rehearsal) but I was so glad to get through it and I had a standing ovation and roaring round of applause.

Giving the speech

A standing ovation if you please

I left the stage and hadn't realised some of my fellow models had been watching in the wings. They were so lovely with their complements and telling me how moved they'd been by it and couldn't believe I was brave enough to do that as well as model.  Bless.

We then all got changed back into our civvies and we were allowed to go up to the main room to see our guests.  As soon as I saw mum and dad, they both burst into tears and they individually sobbed on my shoulder.  In fact, Susie's mum and dad and  the whole rest of their table was crying.  Goodness, all because of mine and Susie's story.  Then, we had sooooo many people come up to us both and thanked me for speaking and telling our story and how inspiring it was.  Honestly, it felt quite weird as it's just little old me, but had clearly touched a number of people.  I never think of myself in that way, and felt humbled by people's response.  Even some celebs (I didn't know who they were but one looked familiar) came up to me to thank me and one even said he was the one who whooped when I said that Tim and I had got married. hehehe.

We then went with our parents to the bar and Suze and I ordered a bottle of wine. We really needed a drink and all had a good natter.  It was lovely. Then we saw Tim and Chris in the their tuxedos. Whit woo.  They were coming to the evening show and had been having a few bevvies on the South Bank before heading up to the Park Plaza.  It was lovely that we all had some time together.

With the parents

The gorgeous Mal and Val

With Juney and Gorders

Then, just before 6pm, Susie and I had to head back downstairs as there was prosecco and some food for us (veggie lasagne and chips, boom).  It was lovely catching up with the other models and even the professional male models came in to get some food....well, hellooooo. 😂😂.

Then we just chilled out for a bit, had our hair sorted again and some make up reapplied ready for the evening show, which was hosted by Denise Van Outen.

And there we were again.  We were all even more excited this time as we pretty much knew what we were doing this time (as there had been a bit of a cock up with the afternoon show...but hey, ho, we're not professionals!!), but already we knew that we didn't want it to be over.

And then, bam, show time again. I honestly can't tell you how much fun it was.  I am getting goosebumps writing this and reliving the memories again.  It was awesome and I would recommend any other breast cancer patient applies to take part next year. Wahoo.  During the finale, my male model said that he'd heard my speech and how amazing it was...what a sweetie.

Backstage with Karen

This time, once we'd finished, we got into our own evening attire and it was so nice to get my dress on. I felt fabulous. We all lined up backstage as we were now going to be introduced and receive flowers from Cherie Blair and some other woman (I got the other woman). We then walked down the stairs off the end of the stage and to our families.

Collecting the flowers

And it was that time again.  All the models were now in the main room sat with their friends and family - it was so nice to see Tim and Chris, they'd loved it.

Komal came to get Susie and I, and I waited anxiously backstage. Hedwig was there with a glass of water for me as she knew my mouth had been so dry just before the first speech  In fact, this time my heart was pounding and I felt more nervous.  I'm not sure why.  I think the enormity of what I was about to do again in front of so many people, giving them a very personal account of my breast cancer experiences all of a sudden dawned on me.

It seemed to take ages before I was called to the stage, then Denise said, 'and now we're going to hear from a very inspirational woman and one of tonight's models, Kate Butler'. That's me, my name. This is my story. Hear me roar.

The evening speech

I walked across the stage and settled with my hands resting on the podium and began again.  There were a few 'shhhh' and all of a sudden it was silent again.

I felt more ready this time as I'd now had the practice of delivering the speech in front of an audience.  I took my time and wanted people to listen.  And then, after doing so well, it hit me, right at the end and before I could get out the last sentence.  I said 'But I want to make sure that all the men and women diagnosed with breast cancer this year, find their rock, their Susie. Because when your world is torn apart, you need a lifeline. And that is exactly what Breast Cancer Care provides.' and broke down. Susie came flying onto the stage and we just held each other. I am so glad she was there. I couldn't get the last sentence of the speech out, and I just said 'thank you, thank you so much' and then, 700 people got to their feet and gave me a standing ovation. Honestly, it was one of the most moving moments of my life. Knowing that I'd touched people with our story and that they had my back was so incredibly powerful. Susie and I left the stage and gathered ourselves before heading out.

Together

Denise van Outen was finishing her speech, and we then got an opportunity to talk to her, she was crying too as she's got a friend who is going through treatment. She was so lovely. It was then that I could see Tim, my hero. He'd flown over to the side of the room where I'd come out and just wanted to hold me. He was so unbelievably proud and in that moment, in that room, I felt so much love.

And then it started again, the number of people, male, female, old, young, charity trustees, cancer patients, celebs that came up to me to thank me or tell me how inspiring my speech had been was phenomenal.

Then who is the turn for the evening? Only Tony Christie - hilarious....When he sang 'Is this the way to Amarillo' all the models jumped back on the catwalk for a bit of dancing!! It was brilliant. Sha la la la la la la la

We then danced away for the next 40 mins or so with our fellow models until the night finished. Tim and Chris were talking to Andy (fellow model) a lot of the evening, and then we all had a photo with Lorraine Chase who also opened up about her own difficulties after saying how wonderful mine and Susie's story was. Crikey....what an evening!!

With Denise

With Andy and Lorraine Chase

It all finished and then Susie and grabbed our stuff and we got a cab back to the hotel where we went to the hotel bar for a final drink with some of the other models.

Exhausted we got into bed at 2.30am.

The next morning, we managed to see some of our fellow models before heading home. The support, stories and experiences we all shared, and have been sharing since, has been amazing and I'm so glad to have met such a wonderful group of people. We're already planning a reunion and there will be an official showing of the Show DVD which was professionally recorded at some point too, so exiting.

What an amazing few days.

The Speech

For those of you who want to read it, here is my speech...WARNING - it's long and contains emotional content!!

Good afternoon/evening ladies and gentleman.


I hope you’re having a brilliant time so far and enjoyed the fashion show.


I’m Kate, a breast cancer patient and one of tonight’s models, and I want to thank you so, so much for supporting me and my fellow AMAZING models, and Breast Cancer Care.


I want to tell you a bit about what’s brought me here today.   


One Saturday morning in August, nine years ago, I found a lump in my right breast. I’d had some lumps before which turned out to be cysts, but this seemed different so I went to the doctors. The doctor referred me to my local breast clinic, and after many tests and examinations, I was unbelievably shocked to receive the devastating news that I had aggressive breast cancer. I was 32.


Breast Cancer at 32? This is an older woman’s disease, right? Wrong...In that moment, my whole world turned upside down.


Tim, my then boyfriend, now husband of six years, and I had only moved back to my home town of Worcester four months beforehand, after ten fun-filled years here in London. We wanted to put down roots somewhere, but it meant that we didn’t know many people nearby, let alone other young women who’d had breast cancer. And, although my mum had received treatment for breast cancer five years before me, I still didn’t understand what this meant for me as a younger woman.


My breast consultant told me that someone he’d treated for breast cancer three years prior, someone just like me, had said to him that she didn’t want any other younger woman feeling alone, and was happy for her phone number to be given out if anyone in the same situation wanted to talk. Her name was Susie.


In that first phone call between Susie and I, I knew I had found my very own support network.
We met and, having been through all the treatment herself, Susie knew what was coming, helped me prepare, and most importantly understood. Although many other people could empathise with my situation, she was the only one that truly understood me.


She knew how gruelling the treatment would be and how bruised and sore I’d feel after surgery. She knew what it was like for me to tell family and friends; And, she knew the anger I felt at being so young, sat in a clinic of older people wondering why I was in this situation. Susie knew how it felt when my hair started to fall out and having to get Tim to shave off the rest. Susie knew how cold my head would get and how people would stare; and, she knew, that I would have very dark days wondering if I would survive and live to see my beautiful niece grow up.


Susie was the one I would call when I was worried about the future, for advice on wigs, and even to borrow one of her blonde wigs for New Year’s Eve….as they say, blondes certainly do have more fun!  And, she was just there to listen to me. Where would I have been without her?


It is exactly this invaluable support and friendship that Breast Cancer Care’s Someone Like Me service provides for people with primary breast cancer.


Just like my pairing with Susie, Someone Like Me puts you in touch with someone else who’s been affected by breast cancer . With a huge network of trained volunteers, they find someone who understands your individual needs. They pair you with someone who can listen, offer emotional and practical support, and share their own experiences. It’s truly an amazing service.


As time went on and I’d finished my endless treatment of surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and five years of hormone tablets, I had started to finally think about what my future might look like and to move forward. It’s something that you daren’t do when you are going through active treatment as you’re always wondering if and when it’s going to come back.


I was back working full time and was thinking of a future with my husband and maybe a family of our own. Tim and I bought our first house, got married, my beautiful niece, Scarlett, who had given me something to live for during treatment, started school and all the while my friendship with Susie grew as we found out we had lots more in common than “just cancer”...our mutual love of prosecco for example has always been an absolute winner!


After finishing my hormone tablets and giving my body a chance to recover, Tim and I started trying for a family...I was already 38 so knew our chances of getting pregnant naturally were going to be slim, and, coupled with breast cancer treatment could have been non-existent. Again, I was so lucky to have Susie to talk to as she’d struggled to have a family herself following breast cancer, but after three failed IVF attempts, and against all the odds, she fell pregnant naturally and had a beautiful son, Lucas.


Tim and I went through IVF but we sadly had no luck. After undergoing investigative surgery we found out that we would never be able to have children. It felt so unfair but Tim and I started adjusting to life as just the two of us, and surrounded by love, we began looking forward to our future together.


My 40th birthday in June last year was such a momentous occasion, it was a birthday I never dreamt that I would make and I was so, so grateful to be alive. I had an AWESOME party, surrounded by my friends and family. After everything I’d been through it signified what I thought was the end of my breast cancer.


Then in October, I started getting a severe pain in my chest. After visiting the doctor and A&E and being sent for tests, which all came back fine, the pain didn’t go away. Doctors thought I had pulled a chest muscle and gave me Codeine for the pain. I spoke to Susie about my concerns and she urged me to talk to our consultant to get a second opinion. I did, and he referred me for a bone and a CT scan, “just to be on the safe side”.


On the 29th of December, I received a phone call from my consultant.  “Kate, I’m really sorry, but your cancer has come back”. I was eight years clear, I couldn’t believe it. How could this be happening again? It took a lot not to fear the worst. After collapsing into Tim’s arms I said, “I’ve got to tell Susie”, and so I called her and we were both silent.  Later that evening Tim and I went round to see Susie and her husband Chris, and we held each other. Over the next few days, things got worse as I was told that, in fact, I have secondary, incurable breast cancer which has now spread to my bones and liver. It’s treatable, but not curable. I was heartbroken.


I decided to turn to Breast Cancer Care as I knew they would be able to help me to understand the situation I am now facing. Their website and leaflets are full of absolutely invaluable information and I am so grateful to the charity for being there whenever I need.


Now I am “#makingmemories” with whatever time I have left. I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but I want to make sure my life is filled with love, happiness and unbeatable friendships.


And, it was Susie who saw that Breast Cancer Care were asking people who’ve experienced breast cancer to be models in the Show, and she said “come on bird, shall we go for it?”, and we did…. We applied together and when we got the call to say we had made it to the final 31, it was like winning the X Factor, but with less squealing!  And here we are today sharing the catwalk together with 29 other amazing women and men.


Friendship is truly invaluable; it’s an unfailing support when you need it most.


Some people join Breast Cancer Care’s Forums and make lifelong friends.  


Some people call Breast Cancer Care’s dedicated phone line for vital support and help.


Some people attend Breast Cancer Care support weekends and meet people who are facing the same challenges as they are.

Breast Cancer Care is just like Susie, a supportive friend, a rock, there when you need it most.


I couldn’t have made it to this stage tonight, without Susie, without Breast Cancer Care, and without the love and support of Tim and all my friends and family.


I don’t ever take that for granted. But I want to make sure that all the men and women diagnosed with breast cancer this year, find their rock, their Susie. Because when your world is torn apart, you need a lifeline. And that is exactly what Breast Cancer Care provides.


Thank you all for listening and supporting me and my fellow fabulous models. Please dig deep and make sure that no-one has to face this devastating disease alone."   

Band Night

After the high of the show and lots and lots of Wattsapps between the models and Facebook posts, Susie and I then had the band night to look forward to for the Worcestershire Breast Unit Haven on Saturday.  We had a totally cracking night.

People were so generous in donating anything from helium for our balloons (cheers Pen) to bottles for our raffle, and we made £2,647.  We were even necking Archers in the toilets that Jenn had won on the raffle - literally like we were back in the 90s. #cheapdate.  Hilarious.

Archers in the toilets (with Laura - our fellow BCC model too) - class

The crew

Giving it some

Come Together (our resident SnowBall band) were totally awesome as usual and let Susie and I have a little go on stage (obvs).  In fact, we were so chuffed with the evening, and our guests had such a good time, that we have decided to host another one.  So if you'd like to come, please email Susie (susiebuevents@gmail.com) - tickets are £20 including food, Sat 22 December at the Pavilion in the Park...BOOM. Get your dancing shoes on. The Premier Inn over the road also currently has rooms going that night for £30 - bargain.  Get in quick boys and girls.

Other news....

In other news, my back cement appointment was interesting.  Crikey - it took us two hours to get from Worcester to actually stepping foot in Coventry hospital - we were 17 mins trying to find a parking space, and there had been an accident on the M6 before we even got there. Sigh.  This meant we were both quite stressed.  Then there was nowhere for us to sit down in the waiting room, but luckily Dr D (as I'll call him) was able to see me pretty quickly, even though we were 10 mins late (we'd left 1.5 hours to get there and obviously that wasn't enough!!).

Tim and I got to see my CT scans and the extent of my bone collapse cos of the cancer.  All the other vertabrae look nice and neat and square and my T8 looks like some Greek ruins!  Jeez.  It's more than 50% gone.  No wonder I've been in so much pain.  Thankfully the sternum has been fixing itself (but you can still see where the crack was).

Basically Dr D said that because my pain levels have already subsided massively from when I was diagnosed because of the treatment I'm already on, that I may not feel a huge improvement but he hopes there will be something. So I've decided to go for it.

I will be sedated and on my front for an hour while they cut a small hole in my back and two small needles are used to inject approx 3ml of cement.  I'm then on bed rest overnight in Cov hospital (!!!).  He said 3 to 4 weeks until I can have it done, so I'm waiting to hear about that.

Also, my monthly jabs were pretty quick this month - I was only waiting for half an hour. Phew, although the blood tests prior were a nightmare as they couldn't get into the vein straight away so that needle came out and then I started bleeding (as usual) and then someone else had a go and went into the same vein and was straight in thankfully...I had to do a lot of deep breathing. FUN TIMES!!

Jabs

And the Tuesday after the Show and the Band Night I had my regular CT scan....there was a 'trainee' doing the cannula - oh great!  Let's put it this way, someone had to take over as he was prodding me about so much that they couldn't get the needle where it needed to be and they were pressing down on it so hard in my arm it was horrible....more deep breaths. The joys...

We've also had Dad's birthday this week and went out for a lovely meal at Cote Brasserie.

Cheers, again

And, finally, as it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month PLEASE don't forget to check your boobs and moobs girls and boys.  It really is so important.  If you don't know what you're looking for, use this handy guide.

Much love to all. xx