The (not so) secret diary of a 40 year old with incurable cancer....: June 2017

Firstly

an apology, for being crap and not blogging for nearly a month!! Where has the time gone??

There are good reasons for this though.....

Rocco (aka RMG, RockMeisterGeneral, 'The General', #knobdog)

So the newest Butler has been keeping us really busy, and getting us up really early!

Although he's pretty much sleeping through now, there was barking and whimpering at night in the first couple of weeks. Then came 'THE CONE OF SHAME'. Oh dear.

Allowing great mobile signal...hahahaha

During his second week with us, while we were getting used to: having our arm pulled out of its socket when he went anywhere new; and picking up warm piles of dog crap, he started to lick and then really gnaw his back, right foot. There is a long story here, I won't bore you with it, but we took him to the vet and they said they thought something had got stuck in his paw and that it would work its way out naturally so gave us some medicine for him and sent us on our way.

Then it continued to get a lost worse....we had registered with a new vet at this point as the one just mentioned was an absolute cow and had me in tears when I left....

So, we took him to the new vet surgery (where they are lovely), and we've been told he's got a (hopefully) benign tumour on his foot which he's been licking and gnawing and had an ulcer on the top of it - ouch! No wonder he was hopping every now and again. Of course, as soon as they mentioned tumour I was in floods...They don't know it's definitely benign but they are very common in young dogs and usually are (let's hope so!!!) and they often clear of their own accord. So, then we had the cone of shame, some steroid cream and twice daily salt baths of the foot.

Jeez, the cone was awful - he was a shadow of his former self and really down and we were also battered and bruised, mainly on the legs, as he kept bashing into us when trying to get anywhere - bless him. I was also really stressed about the whole thing and it was upsetting us both too. Honestly, the love and responsibility we have both felt for him immediately has been phenomenal and shocked us both I think.

He's cost us more than we adopted him for so far, but we don't care 'cos he's ace (despite what granny King Charles Spaniel woman (that's another story) and nasty vet lady think!!!)

We put up with the cone, foot baths and cream for a week, and his foot looked less angry, so now he's been de-coned and is much happier. He's still licking it but not nearly as much - we're gonna keep an eye on it.

Birthday

I've now turned 41.. I can't believe it.

My 40th birthday was such a momentous occasion for me as I never knew if I was going to make that age and was so unbelievably glad that I had, and I celebrated in style over the period of a few months....including my b'day pressie trip to New York with Timmy, which was legendary.

This year however, although lots of fun, felt very different as I pondered whether I will even make my next milestone birthday. That is HARD I can tell you... So that's why I've just got to make the most of NOW, not the future or the past, but now....

Timmy and I took the day off work and I had brekkie in bed (and Rocco was allowed upstairs for the first time while I was opening my cards - which proved interesting as he wrestled with the envelopes!!). We then had a day out to Croome Court - the weather was great - we were so lucky. We wanted somewhere we could take Rocco...the trouble was, because it was a new place for him, he strained on the lead the whole time we were there, which was hard work, but still ,we had a good time.

First picture on my new camera

Yippee....trying out the camera selfie mode

Birthday fizz

Ice creams at Croome

The court

Calming

Birthday kitchen - Tim had to keep the balloons upstairs cos of doggo

Birthday flowers

In the eve I went out for drinks and dinner with the Worcester crew.

Me and Jenn

The crew

Naturally we're all very well behaved

The girls

The girls, doble

I couldn't have a heavy one though as at 8.20am at Kidderminster hospital the next day, I was having my three monthly CT scan. Sigh.

Dad took me over there. We left at 7.40am and arrived about 8.10. Although it takes me much longer to get to Kiddi hospital, it is much nicer there - so much calmer than Worcester. The nurse (Nicky Butler - great name obvs) did my cannula and she was straight in....I was so chuffed.

I didn't go in to have the scan until near to 9am. It was fine and much better than my last one as the only thing I felt when they injected the dye into me was that I needed to go to the toilet and I had a metallic taste in my mouth #standard.

I then had to wait 10 mins after to see if I have a reaction to the dye. Then they took out the cannula and we trotted home at 9.20am. I was meant to be going into work that day, but I was absolutely shattered - I'd been so nervous all morning that I'd been to the loo a million times and the anxiety had meant the adrenaline surges really tired me out, so I stayed at home and had a snooze and chill out on the sofa. That isn't something I do very often, but I felt like I needed it.

We took Rocco to the polling station for our general election vote that eve... #dogsatpollingstations

Cute

The wait.....

....was then on until I got the results just over a week later on Friday 16 June.

The entire week I was in a state - anxious, not sleeping, nervous, ratty, teary....you name it, I had it. In fact, I made my first vlog (click to go through to YouTube) that week on my new camera that Timmy got for my birthday....excuse the state of me #wreck.....

My monthly injections were scheduled for the same time that day, and therein lies a story as well.

I have to go for blood tests before my monthly injections. The only time I could get in with the nurse was 9.40am on a Monday morning, so I went to work for half an hour then headed to the Drs. The appointment was already running 20 mins late and I was nervous, as you all know how crap my veins have been recently. So, I finally get called in and think 'right, let's do this'....she then starts off, tourniquet, pressing around the vein (I hate that bit...yuk) and then 'sharp scratch'...in she goes... Here we go, I think as she wiggles it around, or so I thought.....'oh no, I thought I had it, but I haven't'....she withdraws the needle, I start to bleed a lot, I burst into tears. FFS!!!

I am hyperventilating, this is not good, she lies me on the bed...I feel like a right twat. Anyway, she then asks the actual phlebotomist expert to come in (if I'd known there was one, I would have booked my appointment with her in the first place). We have to wait for another ten mins while she's with a patient. She looks at my veins, she agrees they are crap. I explain I had a cannula in last Thursday for my CT scan and she says that is likely to have made my good vein go hard which is why the first nurse struggled with getting the blood out. She then makes her way down my arm and finds one in between my elbow and wrist, halfway up....she goes to get a butterfly needle (whatever that is) and says 'sharp scratch', we think it's in, and then it isn't. She tells me I'll have to go to the hospital to get them done...FFFFFS!! So I gather myself together and go back to work, an hour and a half later!

That's Monday, the vlog is Tuesday so I don't go to the hospital that day as I'm feeling shit, so I decide I'll go after work on Wednesday. Mum and dad both come and pick me up from work and drive me to the hospital at 4.30pm. I head to Clover Suite, I pick up number 10 from the reception desk, number 9 is on the door so I won't have to wait long. I just sit down when 'number 10' is called. In I go.....I decide to give her my right arm. The first time in eight years.

So, here's another story....a few weeks ago I was doing my regular boob check and felt a lump in my left breast, I left it for a while but it didn't go down so I decided to arrange an appointment with my consultant to look at it. In the same email for the appointment I asked if they could check whether it was OK for me to have a blood test in the right arm. After breast and lymph node surgery they tell you to not to use that side for blood pressure or blood tests. But my consultant told me that I could on this occasion but there is a small risk of infection.

THANK GOODNESS - the Clover Suite nurse was straight in. I was soooooo relieved - mum could tell by my face when I walked back in to the waiting room, and I knew she was as well.

Blood tests done, now to Friday 16 June.

THE RESULTS

It starts of with an appointment at 12.30pm at the breast unit to see my consultant. Timmy came with me, I was nervous.

My consultant ultrasounded the lump, and thankfully, it was a cyst, in fact, he said I had loads (I am known for my cysts)... 'I can put a needle in it and drain it if you want', 'er, no thanks'!!! That was good news. One appointment down, one to go.

I'm only at home for about half an hour or so before I have to set off again, so I manage to have something to eat then drive to the hospital and sit in the entrance hall until Timmy arrives a few mins later.

We head up to Rowan suite. I have both appointments set for 3pm - the reason they did this is because my consultant is usually always running behind schedule so I, in theory, could get my monthly jabs done before I saw him. Good thinking batman. So we head down the treatment corridor to the waiting room there and I 'check in' for my treatment. My obs are taken (and I think I've lost two pounds...it all counts when you're not doing much exercise!!!), however my pulse is HIGH - 120....Nervous? Moi? What gave you that idea?? We are waiting for about half an hour then I get called through. Crikey - it's record time for the jabs.

Just as the nurse is taking my details and preparing the jabs, someone calls my name - I find out later it's the new secondary breast cancer nurse (more on her shortly) and they've been looking for me as Dr P is ready to see me! I can't believe it - 1. I checked in for my Dr P appointment so they knew I was there, 2. that he isn't running that late and 3. that he's called at exactly the same time they've called me for my jabs. Decision made, I'm having my jabs first.

Jabs - done - it was the same nurse that did my first ever injections, and, once again, they hurt more than the other nurses who administer them (and yes, I am left with bruises again).

We leave the treatment ward and head back to the waiting room as Dr P has now taken another patient into his room. We are then waiting for about another 20 mins and at that time another patient is called through before me. Hmmmm, could this be deja vu and they've skipped past my name on the list again thinking that I've already had my appointment??

I spoke to the receptionist and she went to find out. Just as she was heading to Dr P's room, the secondary breast cancer nurse calls my name and Dr P is waiting for me outside his office.

He sits me down. Tim and I wait with baited breath.....the verdict is in, and the jury decide that my CANCER IS GETTING SMALLER!!! WAHOOOO and there are no new cancers on my scan either....phew....'BLOODY BRILLIANT' I squeal and Tim and I just beam at each other.

Now, here's an explanation of what's going on....basically, the hormone treatment I'm having is currently working - which is amazing. HOWEVER, the caveat is, it won't work forever. So I know some people might think 'cos it's shrinking that it will eventually go away, but sadly it won't, it will NEVER go away....cancer will be 'in me' for the rest of my life.

BUT in the meantime, this is totally ace and now means I can 'plan' for the next three months until my next CT scan and follow up. I'm basically living my life in three month periods at the mo...it's quite bizarre.

Anyway, Dr P is also pleased and explained that my MRI results have been reviewed by the team in Coventry and they believe I am a good candidate for the spine cement. However, I said I don't know if I definitely want to go ahead with it as I want to understand what's involved and the potential risks first. I await that appointment.....

We also talked about a new drug that I might be able to benefit from, however, as it's deemed that my current treatment is working there is no point introducing something else until my current treatment stops working.

Dr P then introduced me to Sue, the secondary breast cancer nurse. The previous nurse left in January and it has taken some time finding someone to replace her. Sue explained her position to me....'I am funded by St Richard's Hospice so I follow someone through their whole path of treatment'....Oh, so I think we all know what THAT means...but we leave the elephant in the room to sit quietly in the corner!! But, she went on to explain that she will act as a facilitator for me, so if I haven't had my CT appointment through, I just need to let her know and she will follow it up for me. Basically she'll do all the digging for me so I don't have to worry about that sort of stuff. That is absolutely great news.

After my appointment with Dr P finished, Sue asked if she could speak to Tim and I in another office, we spoke in more detail about her role. She is only three weeks in and still being inducted so wants to meet with me again in a couple of weeks to talk more about me and my situation. It's fab to know I have one point of reference now rather than having to follow up myself, which, when calling a hospital switchboard and being put in touch with a million different departments, can be quite stressful.

Tim and I left feeling pleased as punch and we were super grinning at each other and held each other the whole way back to our cars. Tim then had to go back to work while I went to Tesco and treated myself to a custard slice (my fave) before phoning everyone with the good news.

That evening we then had an impromptu get together with the Worcester crew for a cuzza and a lot of beers and prosecco. Boom.

Olly, Olly, Olly

Since then I have been doing and planning lots of fab stuff over the next few months which I'm really looking forward to....

This included singing at the Droitwich food festival in 30 degree heat and then spending the rest of the day drinking....

The crew taking in some serious shade

Cheers

Spending father's day with my fab family and my bro and niece who came down for the weekend

Getting some shade on father's day

Lazing in the sun on Father's Day

Visiting our friends oop North for the Bollington beer festival - cracking night,

Me and Angy

...and seeing Olly Murs at Worcester cricket ground - he's such a cheeky chappy and did a great 90s section in the middle of his show, which was totally unexpected and totally fab. Who doesn't love a bit of Ini Kamoze 'Here comes the Hotstepper'?